I still remember the hotel room where I sat, fleeing the hand that gripped you
I gave you words, they were inadequate
Couldn't admit that I abandoned you
My fear grew, ever stronger, my delusion cast about me, a blanket to my conscious mind, my paradise lies in blankets and smoke
Remember when we were all smiles
Blind to reality, I sat with eyes closed for awhile, as if days don't turn to months
Except, I forgot it ends like this
Blue veins, cracked upon a pale surface, did you smile one last time, as you closed your eyes?
Because, I don't want to close my eyes anymore
I want to be whole again, how the fuck do I get there?
I've lost what it means to be a person, haven't been reading enough to know the right words, so I keep mine to myself
Just thought I'd take this chance, say I'm sorry
So one more cigarette, one more breath in between
One more drink, one more hit, hopefully take the breath out of me
Counting seconds to minutes as you slip away
You were going to be someone
We all knew that I was supposed to be the one found on a cold tile floor, the vibrance of your being seemed so foreign as you lay there
I still keep the card Scott gave me in my pocket so I never leave your side again
Each day, find myself asking what would have been if I was there? Again
I should never have been there in the first place
